April 1, 2016: "BREAKING NEWS: Words Obviously Not Working: Candidates Choose Spikeball® To Settle This Once and For All”
Things are really heating up on the campaign trail. With a few remaining debates, the candidates are looking for any edge that they can get. Past debates have featured cringe-worthy, on-stage exchanges of, “I’m awesome.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am.”
“No, you’re not.”
It has become quite apparent that the traditional method of using words at presidential debates is just not working. “Words are just a bit too sophisticated for some of the candidates,” said Kim Kardashian, campaign manager for ‘Kanye 2020’. The candidates have been secretly meeting over the past few weeks to determine an appropriate alternative. An insider reports that the 4 remaining candidates discussed never-fail, classic schoolyard competitions like Rocks Paper Scissors, Arm Wrestling, Pull My Finger, and “Would You Rather” before settling on the obvious choice, Spikeball®.
Political pundits sound optimistic about this approach. “Wait, seriously, they’re going to play roundnet and not talk, at all?", said an incredulous, yet excited 2 Chainz, political analyst for Death Row Records. When asked for his thoughts on the matter, Donald Trump simply said, “YUGE!” We’re not sure what he meant.
Our biggest concern with this appproach is: “That was a rimmer.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“Yes, it was.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“Yes, it was.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“Yes, it was…”
